Feb 2, 2004
anti fucking snow
im sorry i havent been writing in this lately to the few people that read my blog but ive been really... non motivated.. blah.  its been snowing and i hate snow, i'd rather curl up and go to sleep untill the cold is all gone.  i hope that we dont have another miserable snowday tomorrow, i can't stand snow... and this is how school has been in the past few weeks...
sat- no school
sun-no school
mon- no school
tues-no school

weds- school
fri- school-sick
sat- no school
sun- no school
mon- snow day
tues- snow day
weds- school
thurs- school
fri-  school
sat- no school
sun- no school
mon- and tomorrow.. PROBABLE SNOWDAY

thats like.. 16.. probably 17 days that will have passed, and i only went to school 4 of them.. BLAH. i get so bored at home... blah blah blah. yeah i know, im one of those nerds that love school, so what, make fun of me, i dont care. SCREW YOU.  Now, I'm going to go practice bass. Good Bye. and I hate you too.

Posted at 02:19 pm by thedissent
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Jan 28, 2004
when someone you like/love tells you they like you back, tells you that they care about you, so they won't hurt your feelings it really really hurts more than if they would have just told you the truth.  sometimes... i start to think that love, is a lie... how can you love someone, really... is it the feeling you get.. or is it just the chemicals in your brain making you think that you love somebody.  Seriously though, what IS love.. is it when you feel like you cant live without someone?  Is it when somebody makes you feel happy? Because, i've yet to find anyone.. really in love.. because if you LOVE someone.. then how could you get over them... and date somebody else? you cant, to anybody reading this.. especially the girls.. who are more apt to get their "heart broken" don't let a boy (especially if your young, like me) or a girl.. ever let you think that they own you, just becasue they tell you they love you. just. whatever, sorry, i dont want to tell anyone how to run their life.. ill shut up now. . .

Posted at 12:00 pm by thedissent
Comments (1)

Jan 26, 2004

hmm so yes, if your reading my diary, and have a brainfart and forget who i am, or if you plane just dont know me... thats me. yay. isnt it pretty? yeah right

Posted at 11:45 am by thedissent
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Jan 25, 2004
i ran acrossed a super talented artist... i put a few of their pieces that are my favs here.. this is the site i found them... http://angerdog.non-essential.com/art/tatt-faery.jpg

"so blue"

 "such a sad ol' feeling"

I dont piss on strangers
"I don't piss on strangers"

"only a dream away"

"just try it"

Woah, I would give ANYTHING to be that talented at painting, or art period. Theyre... beautiful.

Posted at 01:09 pm by thedissent
Comments (2)

uh oh
it's happening all over again :-( oh boy..

Posted at 12:55 pm by thedissent
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Jan 24, 2004
mom if your reading this. im sorry. but, i cant take it anymore. goodbye.

Posted at 04:05 pm by thedissent
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the clouds part as the sky cracks open and god himself reaches his fucking arm through just to pish you down just to hold you down stuck in this hole with the shit and piss and its hard to believe it could come down to this back at the beginning sinking spinning broken bruised forgotten sore too fucked up to care anymore poisioned to my rotten core to fucked up to care anymore

Posted at 04:04 pm by thedissent
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all appologies
im sorry you cant just accept me im sorry for everything ive asked for in the past im sorry i even caled you my friend im sorry everything fell through so fast im sorry your not as strong as me im sorry i really am what you have to realize is you need to open your eyes im sorry i say as i let out a sigh im sorry this has to be goodbye but now im going to burry everything this pain you caused me to feel im sorry you think im so lame but i guess thats out of my control packing the dirt tight im burrying you and my past far below i feel so lonely but i must now go all i have to say now is im sorry.

-again, this is one i wrote when i had to go to malcolm, it was becasue all of the kids there hated me after they got to know me... oh well, i think im better now..

Posted at 04:02 pm by thedissent
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my body limp
my mind blank
my soul black
my heat raw
my head spinning
my vouce quivers
my fingers cold
my wrists bloody
my veins blue
my arms red my knife in one hand
my razor in the other
my music to my favorite song
my mink blank
death in the air
start to cut
continue to bleed
have to stop
because i need to breathe..
(i wrote this one when i was going to malcolm.. and i felt sooooo much angst, kinda disturbing)

Posted at 03:59 pm by thedissent
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poem to dad
dad i dont understand what i did to make you treat me this wau growing up is hard enough in its own btut even more so when your n ot around im all alone i feel like im not welcome in my very own home please tell me what i did how come you expect so much out of me when im just a kid and i see or hear so little from you im just a kid i dont wanna kgrow up in beaing ripped in the other firection why cant i just stay little forver i want to do things my way i dont wanna listen to anybody else im just a kid im no responsible enough for the weight yuor putting one my back im not going to be young forever so let me be who i wanna be not who you think is right your never atoudn to say missed you today or tell me good night if i died tomorrow would you miss me what would your first thoughts bewere you around to see me enough how would you feel if your last words to me were "bridget, you emberass me" would you be sad would you cry would you regret not ever saying goodbye would you be mad at me or would you be mad at yourself cause the truth is im me and nobody else; just a kid.

Posted at 03:55 pm by thedissent
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"music first, lyrics second"

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Words absolutely cant explane how I feel. They cant express my tormented soul. They cant tell the secrets of my broken heart. They can't even begin to desipher my cry for help. Words. Words. Words. They fill the page, but most are all lies. Confusion. Guilt. Love. Loss. TORMENT. I'm becoming delirious. Am I really crazy?Am I really this person I met today or is it the thing living inside me thats taking over. Dose it all make sense to you? DOES IT ALL MAKE SENSE TO YOU? DOES IT!!!?? Does it matter that im feeling this? Is it normal? Is it making me crazy? Is it? Has she left me for good? Will she forget about me? Will she read about me in the papers after I become a famous artist, musician, or writer? Will she want to meet me? Will she like me? Will she want me again? Will she hold me tight and tell me its okay? Will she admit to being a horrible mother? Will she be sober? Will be be tobacco free? WILL SHE? Look deep into your crystal ball, look deep, deep, deep. Look hard and look close. Tell me what is going to happen to me? To her? Will I continue to die from the inside out? WILL I? WILL I?

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